The Wonderland Journal

I used to live with a low-grade bitterness that followed me like a shadow. In my younger years, I spent a lot of time regretting decisions and wishing life had unfolded differently. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize that this way of living was draining the joy out of everything.

Southern hospitality rings true in my occupation as a barista, leading me to my most common way of engaging customers: Anything exciting going on lately?

I understand why people hesitate. Sometimes people don’t want to have a conversation. Sometimes it’s just been a long week or a bad day. But when the answer is so often nothing—nothing exciting, nothing new, nothing good—I can’t help but push back a little.

Seriously? Nothing at all?

Call me an optimist, but I get excited when the sun finally shows up after a week of gray skies. I also get excited by gray skies after too much sun. I get excited to sit in a hole-in-the-wall hot dog place with a friend, or to drive out of my way for a pumpkin pie ice cream cone from the county’s best shop. I get excited when my nephew remembers a French phrase I taught him, when I FaceTime my brother who lives across the country, when my little cousin’s old Uggs become mine because his feet are now bigger than my own.

You’re telling me there’s nothing exciting happening in your life?

Exciting. Fun. New. Something different. Pick a word—for the literary-minded—but I’ve found life is far more colorful when lived intentionally.

My perfect morning doesn’t look extraordinary. A hot cup of coffee with cream warms my hands. A cat settles into my lap, another curls at my feet. The fireplace warms the room. The birds carry on an early-morning chatter outside. My mom or dad sit with me in conversation, completely unaware that they’re part of a memory I’ll treasure forever. It’s simple. It’s quiet. It’s absolutely perfect.

And the honest question is: what’s stopping me from having that?

On weekdays, of course, there’s work and the gym. But on Saturdays and Sundays, if I get up early enough, that morning is mine. The problem is that life has a way of crowding these moments out. Schedules get swallowed by to-dos, and suddenly a week has gone by. A month. A year. All of it eaten up by responsibility, with very little enjoyment left behind.

We all have obligations—jobs, families, school, chores, extracurriculars. Left unchecked, they slowly strip away our attention until we’re so distracted that we forget to enjoy life altogether.

This is where I had to start asking myself better questions. Small changes to rearrange my schedule came first, followed by solutions to the unhappy bits of my life.

What actually brings me joy?
What is within my control?
What small changes can I make to live in moments of happiness?

Life without intentionality is exhausting. Going through the motions to meet everyone else’s demands without caring for myself makes me want to curl into a ball and cry—and I say that only half joking.

Not every season allows space for everything that makes us happy. Big changes aren’t always possible. It’s the small changes that inch us toward our goals. A clean house makes me happy, but I currently rent from my mom and help accommodate little kids a couple times a week with an ever-growing schedule. So the entire house isn’t always tidy.

But my room is.

I make my bed every morning, which is always a breath of fresh air. A lit candle and a clean space create an environment where I can focus—on a Bible study, a language session, or simply a quiet moment to think (usually with a cat on my lap). It takes two minutes to make my bed, and it’s those two minutes that help declutter my mind.

As I write this, my laundry still needs to be put away and the dishes still need to be washed. I’m adjusting to a new schedule for 2026, and I’m giving myself time. Not everything happens instantly—a hard truth for someone living in the 21st century.

This approach reminds me of Jiu Jitsu, a martial art where two people entangle themselves in an attempt to either break a limb or put the other person to sleep—which sounds aggressive, but stay with me.

In a position called mount, you’re trying to establish control while your opponent lies flat on his back. You’re sitting on him, mounted like riding a horse—hence the name—usually over his diaphragm or chest. He’s quite uncomfortable at this point. Let’s say the goal is to get both of your arms underneath his armpits. If you simply try to force your arms into position, it won’t work—unless you’re very strong. Which I am not. The solution is to plant your palms by his armpits and crawl your fingers along the ground like a spider. Inch by inch, slowly and deliberately, you gain the position you want.

That’s how I want to approach my daily life. Not with force, but with small, intentional movements. Spider-finger progress.

For me, that means being intentional with my time. I say no to things that I know won’t benefit me—or situations where I can’t show up well for others. If a friend wants to meet and it clashes too much with my schedule, I don’t force it. I offer another time. We adjust. We make it work eventually, because I’ve handpicked my friends and I make space for them.

It also looks like reworking my schedule to support my energy. After work, I need an hour to rest and two hours to get things done before evening activities. So I adjusted my gym routine accordingly. If I open at the coffee shop, I work out in the afternoon. If I work second shift, I’m at the 6:00 a.m. gym class.

Most mornings, I make my bed and put my clothes away—except for this week, when I got pulled into a really good book. I’m getting back to it.

Each night, I read before bed to wind down. I don’t rush to get places. I leave early enough to move slowly, to catch up with people at the gym, church, or wherever I’m headed.

And the result is something I didn’t expect at first: a clear head.

I didn’t wait to feel calm before making changes. The changes created the calm. Keeping my space cleaner, not rushing, staying off my phone and the TV—it’s all given me a sense of mental clarity I didn’t know I was missing.

On top of that, I make time to sit with my cats, just to say hello or play for a bit. Being around them brings me peace and allows me to be present in the moment. I love my early weekend mornings with coffee and cats, especially because weekday mornings—between 5:00 and 6:00—are already spoken for.

I truly believe that if something isn’t working for you, the answer often lies in small, deliberate adjustments. Why aren’t you happy? What would make you happier? Is there something—anything—you can change, even slightly?

Some seasons make change impossible. Sometimes there are real obstacles that can’t be overcome alone. But be honest with yourself—is that really where you are? It’s easy to give advice from the sidelines. The reality is, if you want something to change, you’re the one who has to examine your life and start inching toward what you want.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Despite the responsibilities, the weight, and the hard things we carry, life can still be full of joy.

We just have to fight for it—with spider-fingers.